Once upon a time, in a far far away forest all the animals gathered to have a meeting to discuss what to do with the Tortoise. The Tortoise was very annoying and all she did all day was walk around the forest and annoy every animal she came upon. No animal could just sit and relax and enjoy his or her day in the beautiful forest. The Tortoise would show up with her annoying face or would say something annoying, or whistle annoyingly and irritate the animals. As we all know, these things sometimes happen, without being strictly the Tortoise’s fault.
The animals just did not want to confront her and tell her to her face that she was annoying and tried to show her how they felt in roundabout ways. Whenever they came upon her by accident, they tried to roll their eyes, to fume at her presence and the things she said, and to find cheap excuses to avoid her completely. But the Tortoise did not take the slightest hint, as it sometimes happens. That’s why they had no other choice but to kill her. The animals of the forest were gathered there to decide how to kill her.
All the animals had to prepare an idea and propose it at the meeting. Mrs. Giraffe proposed to have the Elephant sit on her. Mister Badger with his bowler hat proposed that they should have her impaled with the help of the Rhinoceros. The Fox, who was notorious for her craftiness, suggested that they should trick her into believing that if she jumped off a waterfall she would be the most beautiful Tortoise in the forest.
The Raven suggested that they should send her subconscious messages and whisper very quietly thing like “Die!” or “Kill yourself!” or a more suggestive “Why don’t you kill yourself?” or when she was sleeping, come up to her and whisper in her ear those subliminal messages until she got really depressed and committed suicide. The good-hearted Bear proposed that they should hang her up from the old oak tree, but this was too risky a plan because there was no way of ensuring, even with much convincing, that the Tortoise would be willing to stick her head out of her shell in order for her to be hanged.
The Snail’s idea was to throw her off a cliff with one of her feet tied to an elastic string so as if by any small chance she reached the ground and was unfortunately still alive, she would rise straight back up with great speed and so her shell would come off her turtle-ly body and then go up and down naked until she died either from the cold or vertigo.
The Cock suggested that they should take six pine cones and shove them up the holes of her shell, to entrap her inside so that she eventually suffocate to death. The Donkey suggested that they should tie her feet in a knot across her chest and the Ants carry her while singing and dancing down by the river and let her be carried away by the rush of the stream. The best idea however, came from the wise old Owl’s mouth. To catch the Tortoise, pull her head out of her shell long just enough to be able to reach down her behind, and shove it in her behind. This proposal met with general applause, enthusiastic cheering and joy, and they carried the wise old Owl on their shoulders and celebrated for quite a while.
The plan would be put into practise imminently. And all the animals scoured the forest to find the Tortoise, so they could pull her head out of her shell and shove it up her behind, so that she could not annoy them anymore. The Tortoise however was nowhere to be found. No animal either saw or heard of the Tortoise again. She had just disappeared. It was as though she had vanished in thin air, and sadly all those great ideas were wasted.
The animals just did not want to confront her and tell her to her face that she was annoying and tried to show her how they felt in roundabout ways. Whenever they came upon her by accident, they tried to roll their eyes, to fume at her presence and the things she said, and to find cheap excuses to avoid her completely. But the Tortoise did not take the slightest hint, as it sometimes happens. That’s why they had no other choice but to kill her. The animals of the forest were gathered there to decide how to kill her.
All the animals had to prepare an idea and propose it at the meeting. Mrs. Giraffe proposed to have the Elephant sit on her. Mister Badger with his bowler hat proposed that they should have her impaled with the help of the Rhinoceros. The Fox, who was notorious for her craftiness, suggested that they should trick her into believing that if she jumped off a waterfall she would be the most beautiful Tortoise in the forest.
The Raven suggested that they should send her subconscious messages and whisper very quietly thing like “Die!” or “Kill yourself!” or a more suggestive “Why don’t you kill yourself?” or when she was sleeping, come up to her and whisper in her ear those subliminal messages until she got really depressed and committed suicide. The good-hearted Bear proposed that they should hang her up from the old oak tree, but this was too risky a plan because there was no way of ensuring, even with much convincing, that the Tortoise would be willing to stick her head out of her shell in order for her to be hanged.
The Snail’s idea was to throw her off a cliff with one of her feet tied to an elastic string so as if by any small chance she reached the ground and was unfortunately still alive, she would rise straight back up with great speed and so her shell would come off her turtle-ly body and then go up and down naked until she died either from the cold or vertigo.
The Cock suggested that they should take six pine cones and shove them up the holes of her shell, to entrap her inside so that she eventually suffocate to death. The Donkey suggested that they should tie her feet in a knot across her chest and the Ants carry her while singing and dancing down by the river and let her be carried away by the rush of the stream. The best idea however, came from the wise old Owl’s mouth. To catch the Tortoise, pull her head out of her shell long just enough to be able to reach down her behind, and shove it in her behind. This proposal met with general applause, enthusiastic cheering and joy, and they carried the wise old Owl on their shoulders and celebrated for quite a while.
The plan would be put into practise imminently. And all the animals scoured the forest to find the Tortoise, so they could pull her head out of her shell and shove it up her behind, so that she could not annoy them anymore. The Tortoise however was nowhere to be found. No animal either saw or heard of the Tortoise again. She had just disappeared. It was as though she had vanished in thin air, and sadly all those great ideas were wasted.
